While I have respect for my husband I want him to respect me as well and humiliating me doesn’t show that. But if the love is gone, these things will start to fade away too. The experiences of Muslim women (Arabic: مسلمات Muslimāt, singular مسلمة Muslimah) vary widely between and within different societies. 4. No woman wil b happy readin it n am openly sayin out my opinion coz there aint no hadith or ayat backin d point dat ur husband thinks abt other women. What i did was, i wrote down my feelings and wrote how much he had hurt me, and told him how wrong he was, using islamic hadiths and ayats, because if he is a muslim, he will accept the rights Allaah swt have given women. It is not required to be initmate on the wedding night. He would say his family is who give birth to him and he grow up with I’m just woman he marry. I find this to be one of the most unsettling parts of Islam. The problem is that neither course of action will do anything to improve the relationship, and often will make it worse. They Don’t Validate Your Feelings; 1.3 3. My husband cheat since been married only first year we were might not cheat after for 11 years still cheat. This is not the case with all the men.. we are not chicks of the same hen. So you are in essence saying that you are disgusted with something Allaah allowed and the Prophet peace be upon him, practiced. That’s life. A man has to financially emotionally physically and mentally take care of 2 households. Is he generous or selfish, only thinking of his pleasure. Re: I dont think my husband loves me Like others said it has only been a month, give it some time and maybe don't push it (i.e. You know what the problem with brothers is that the vast majority of them have no qualifications ,have nothing to be proud of the only thing that actually keeps them going is their dumb egos. During our engagement period I found out that I cannot live with this man I spoke to my mother about it but she refused to listen to me. im just so fed up … [Editor’s note: some profanity deleted] Reply. Finally, Allah asks us repeatedly to use reason in the Qur’an. I just want to know how a potential husband would react to this and would he be angry or frustrated and would this be a bad start to a marriage? Yes, your husband has to take permission from you to marry another woman. but i don`t like the way things is going like this. I will practice , When I get Maried.. Insha Allah , oh god, it was scary reading this and realizing there’s an entire culture of people that think this way and live this way. Ahhhhhhh,,,now thats showing respect with a capital RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! IF you believe in Islam and Allah you will have to believe that if a woman refuses to have intercourse with her husband, then she is sinning. i really like this article. So first, polygamy is rule made by Allah and you have to accept it. Why should a nice type Muslim sister be patient when her husband is verbally or even physically abusive, emotionally distant, selfish, childish an narcisstic? Stop being selfish. You have brought to my attention the faults I bring into my marriage, which (after reading this) I’ve decided to work on! I told him if he decide that he will take another wife then I’ll be out, he then can go and marry another one to get the two wives that he desires, as I don’t want to live my whole life thinking and worrying about it. I am at the edge of breaking and breaking up with him .. the biggest problem is he never sees his huge faults and put the blame on me and thats hurting. Nice. My husband never ever thinks or talks to other women. If a man falls in love with another woman surely it means he never really loved the first? I was devastated by his sudden death. Let him get a glimpse of how his life would be without you. He doesn’t know what it’s like to feel all alone in a room full of people. Because of COVID 19 he goes to office only on alternate days. Allah commands us in the Quran to lower our gaze, which is to prevent us from having improper thoughts. I'm financially independent, but uspport him in some expenditures. Jazakallah, May Allah reward u with Khair,, The brother mentioned that .. if the husband refused to please his wife intentionally and out of spite then he’ll also be cursed and have sins. Part of the problem is also that sometimes it is hard to actually formulate our thoughts into the right words. A woman who loves her husband and fears losing him. Women want physical intimacy too. I am American, a Native American or referred to as a Red Indian in countries such as India. He doesn’t understand why his children won’t let him be around his grandchildren. It has been equated to the role of Jihad (holy war in the path of Allah). It will still hard for us before we get used to the Idea! If you only learn to use it properly. This post is general, it doesnt work on husbands who are unfair with their wives. We have Your side of the story sister. He will not got to hell for taking another wife. But you can’t force him. Why would you stay with someone like that when another man out there is praying every night to have a woman like you? In Islam, limited polygyny is permitted and polyandry is completely prohibited. I cannot stress that enough- a mans mind is what matters. Patience is the key to paradise If you are already educated ,then go to your parents house, get their support. Heartbreaking Signs Your Husband Doesn't Care About You Anymore, 7. Am I not good enough? IF your husband won’t talk to you until you’re begging him to then you don’t have a husband at all. The Jewish Sephardic communities living in Muslim countries continued the practice till as late as 1950, when an Act of the chief Rabbinate of Israel extended the ban on marrying more than one wife. good advice. Just my observation. They should also be told to be content with one wife and pray more and ask Allah for peace of mind and heart. So brothers and sisters before talking about the chances of your husband or yourself getting married again we need to fix and improve our current marriages. In marriage both the partners have to work togther. I have no idea how all this happened but it happened and believe me it wasnt easy for me. Ameen. (960 A.D to 1030 A.D) issued an edict against it. It was a woman recently divorced, 4 children. And trust me, if your husband must choose between divorcing you before he takes a second wife. But if he does not do it purposely then he wont get sins. women are not respect giving machines. The truth is that men and women are different, so the sooner you can move on from that the better. lets come to nowadays situation, in any country you will see women that are affected for she couldnot get one to marry or she may divorce or widow. 1. Look at the way he was with his wives. Can I divorce? Everyone is touched by time, but who he is inside is what matters. My husband recently has started to try to understand emotional intimacy and things are improving, and this did come about from me reining in my emotional reactions, setting boundaries and making it very clear I was going to live a happy life and take care of myself with or without him involved. but maybe you need to coax the poor little guy back into life, remember that little number he used to drive you crazy about all those years ago. I have found this work to be beneficial and highly informative, and strongly recommend the study of this book to all prospective couples, and indeed, to all couples. – Mufti Zubair Bayat, Director: Darul Ihsan centre, Durban, South Africa ... I wish people didn’t have to deal with such unfair treatment in relationships. Having dinner & lunch with your wife together makes her feel more special too. To read that title ‘he thinks about other women’ and then the next one.. ‘he wants to make you happy’ If you are as you say a devout muslim how can you say of something Allah has allowed that it “disgusts you”?? this guy is focusing on materialistic things to show love, he is so confused. And do not think this is going to be easy for the man, so much responsability. I got married to him for my family, soon after marriage the day I went to his house the entire house burden n my father in laws responsibility was on me. He told me the coworker was jealous because I liked him. My husband doesn’t care about me any more, is never happy or grateful and I don’t know what to do? I really enjoyed it and may Allah bless the author,amin. If the real purpose was of sexual desires then they would go for it in their prime youth. Despite being the only … It allows me to have a nice, professional-looking signature on all my blog posts, which truely enhances the look. Stay positive always. then you have the right to separate from him and rightfully demand a divorce from the shariah court (if his actions are violent and selfish and hurtful to you then our dua are truly with you. Another point is that actually polygamy can lift the burden of responsibility the woman have towards their husbands and gives her more freedom. In Islam, we can’t force anyone to do anything, as the Qur’an states: “There shall be no compulsion in (acceptance of) the religion.” (Qur’an: Chapter 2, Verse 256), SubhanAllah beautiful article mashAllah..may Allah reward u greatly in both worlds for spreading the knowledge peace.xx, Number 4 is rubbish..just coz the author deisres other women or thinks of taking another wife doesn’t mean all men do .. most normal men are actually content with one wife…..and same applies 2 women not just men …many ‘straight’ woman desire other men too but obviously der not gna tell their husbands LOL. He passed away in july of this year. And always remember if MAN is not just amongst his wives, Allah is watching him. The reaction of most of these women show exactly why this article is called ‘7 things your husband won’t tell you’ All he does is use me for sex, yell at our children, and play video games. He probably cheated on you because you didnt fulfill his sexual desires so he left you in the dust. Good advice, but zowji doesn’t like sandwhiches! However a few smart people before accepting, said they would prefer their sisters to remain virgins. becareful what you say Islam does not revolve round you but your revolve round islam what ALLAH SWT made permisable who are yo to make it haaram. Have friends circle. We value excellent academic writing and strive to provide outstanding essay writing service each and every time you place an order. Only patience, repect and hard work from both spouses on mutual basis are few of the qualities that can make the marriage work. and another thing the most important thing: my husband Mustapha never hides anything from me of corse not and I never hide anything from him! Me and my husband is living in foreign.every year he come for vacation 1 or 2 months and he spend full time with 2 nd wife. I am guilty of adultery but my husband doesn’t know, How to marry her, a complicated situation. NOT so men can be pigs…this aspect of Islam has been changed into something disgusting and is something that makes our religion look bad. Use the types of perfumes, colours, and clothes that your husband likes. Reply. My warning to second wives: He'll dote on your stepdaughters more than you - and it'll drive you wild with jealousy. It all seems so many years ago now. I am a married woman and have one child. NO. “Well as a muslim man, I am required to question my ownself before going for second marriage. New York alone has one million more females as compared to the number of males, and of the male population of New York one-third are gays i.e sodomites. to be frank I think many muslim men prefer to have mistresses rather than remarry…a man who agrees to remarry and to take the responsibility of another woman in my opinion is very courageous…..personally I will prefer my husband have a second wife rather than having many short affairs,,,,, many sisters are not even aware that their husbands are cheating on them….. nice article….ma sha Allah…described very beutifully in concise way..wud recommend every1 even to watch sk.yasir qadhi lectures somewhere on youtube “like a garment” course…just alhamdulillah awesome.beautifully explained..both for men and women,,,,:). I pray Allaah helps you and others in situations like yours. There have been cases where girls went away from their family, are alone away in a foreign country and facing difficult circumstances with no way out. Found insideLet me give you an example of a Muslim who was transformed by a vision of Jesus. A Muslim lady called us from ... She told her husband about it, and he left her and took the two children with him. Her two children were eventually ... You dont understand it fully and you really should not say such things because you are actually saying that you ar disgusted with Allah! Found insideI know that she's been thougha lot, but she'll be fine enough toride off into thesunset with my husband, to steal my life. ... “I need toexplain something to you.” He tries to tell me it's a bad time. I barrel past.I don't care. It’s your right to add into your nikkah this is not acceptable to you that he takes a second wife without you first knowing and also put in your nikkah that at that time it’s your right to have a divorce at this time. JUST KIDDING! I am in 2 minds about the multiple wives issue. Muslim husbands are very often (not always) reluctant to talk about certain things with their wives. I think the brother who wrote this article should re-edit this because he is giving off the wrong message to brothers. Of course sister if a woman wanted to have sex with her husband & intensionally he refuse it. Indeed and agree with your comment Abu Ubaydah in shaa ALLAH . If he’s doing his best to … @asiangirl There is a hadith for that actually. It doesn’t mean he’s going to cheat on you. You still try to ask him, but he never reciprocates. Talking to fiancé…to what extent is it permissible? Found insideMuslim Women Lift the Veil of Silence on the Islamic World Jan Goodwin. is right, you do it. ... Therefore, a woman's beauty should be seen only at home by her husband. ... My children need me to take care of them. Please reference your sources, “maybe you need to be careful what you say cause you will be accountable for your intentions and what’s in your heart.” Sister, my advice for u is to do the same. He may come around and get over it, and he may not. Go for makeover. The average life span of females is more than that of males, and at any given time one finds more widows in the world than widowers. After that he was scared and he thought was going to lose me so he begged me to stay with him, and he would try to become a better human being. men are said to “lower the gaze” in Quran Sharif. Children can sense when something is wrong, especially with their parents. It depends on wife to dress well and apply perfume and take care of his special foods to raise his desire. Sex releases stress. I would say some of the sisters plz know the different between yr opinion and the prove of the hathis or the quran, what you think doesnt matter what matter is what allah say. So stop being childish and open your eyes . Similarly, it’s unfair for men to expect their wives to behave like Aisha (RA) and his other wives (RA) did. Make her feel special & she’ll make you feel special too. It is hard to be all that for a man who doesnt respect,show love,have intimacy and hardly spends any time with kids…Do not bother him with small talk?what is that? Not only is a man obliged by law to give his bride-to-be this dowry, but the Quran also states he must do so graciously, without expressing any … He eats at my home and he invites me to eat at his. Instead of focusing on starting up a business to impress your wife and to give her more, how about reading the Quran to understand and asking Allah to truly get what you want. Avoid that your husband observes you in dirty clothes or rough shape. This is a wonderful piece Masha Allah to whoever posted this. This answers the question directed to the authoR. I don’t know if I should go away, dissappear. The morning after pill is also permitted, as long as the woman taking it doesn’t feel that she has conceived. I met a Muslim man three years ago. Answer (1 of 13): Take your kids and leave home for somedays, do not talk to him for that period. 0.001%. This man shows you on a regular basis that you don't mean anything to him, that he doesn't value you AND that he is a druggie. I feel that he is not having any love for me. Mashaa Allaah,this was a pleasant article to read. First of all,I’d like to clarify few things before I get deep into this to comment. I could not accept that and I vehemently made my stance clear to him. Write down ur feelings and tell him how unfair he has been, and use Ayats and hadiths to support ur arguments... and then just leave him and go to ur parents house. Drop me a comment below to let me know what you think. And if a sister gives him her all, it is duty of a man to be honest always. When my husband was alive we lived comfortably. I call that rape. We had an arranged marriage. towards his mother ...then he will do same.....towards his wife....and depends also...from which side of Islam is...Sunnah...Shia...I read..once..some books...where was saying something like..".the wife needs to obey the husband...taking care of his parents...and being his houshold...never go out ...never go school...is haram...And all things like this...with other words...the wife..needs to be slave in his house....and that the only right she have is his right over her. What's more common is wife wants divorce, husband doesn't. Before that though, my mom, dad and I were each baptized at the church. Do you think anyone cares about what you think when we have the Quran and the Sunnah?! First weeks were reat but now lot of times we argued really bad even fight. The Truth is, one who does an atom’s weight of evil,will see it. He has mood swings and what he wants happens if he feels happy we are all happy if not then we are all sad. Like it or not, some men are polygamous in nature (if not all) and we have to deal with that. I was an adoptive child but they were abusive as well so with Allahs help i left them when i was 18. A righteous wife can make a poor man feel like a king. He has also said to his mother that he wants to marry again, but his mother admonished him by telling him to try to live happily with me and not to do another marriage. God would not be ok with this garbage. Whatever you decide to do (leave him or try again), may Allah guide you towards the right path and give you happiness. “And among His Signs is this that He created for you wives (spouses) from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. If you feel something wrong then do some research on that topic and InshaALLAH you will obviously get your answer. I loved it all. Expect things from him, so he doesn't take ur love for granted again and he should know that he has to keep u happy to make the marriage work. Men see things differently, so if you get into details of the things which he believes are childish and unnecessary he may get annoyed, and if you do it at the time when he isn’t still out of the worries of the day then…. It is never written anywhere where a woman commands her husband. Allah is watching and the almighty will give you strength and courage. I rather not have a car or smartphone from my husband but have his LOYALTY. tattoo. Our prophet Muhammad (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) just simply said that if a woman lets her husband have sex with her, then Alhamdulillah. Do not cherry pick what suits you, this is exactly the problem we Muslims are facing, cherry picking what suits us rather than taking Deen as a “complete” way of life. I guess it is a matter of “I make the money, so I make the roles.” I am all for independent women. The hadith (Abu Dawood – 2050) only indicates that we are to have some children, but doesn’t specify the number. my dear kar, im a young muslimah and reading most of your posts has upsetted me you all in eachothers hair you can give advice yes but if you do it with attitude even if you right allah will not reward you for the advice you have given im not one to judge for Allah is the judge of all imperfetions..im human and by reading all these posts it has scared me for the way you guys dont respect the law of islam and how selfish some woman is may allah put it in your hearts to accept whatever difficulties lies ahead for you and bear in mind allah will never put i through something we wont be able to handle for allah is mercifull and you sould accept and respect all trails that comes your way repend to allah and allah will help you accept this matter unshallah…in the name of allah may we help eachother other then going off at one onother remember no one is perfect but we can always try and help the next person inshallah.. il make duah for all wives that feels this way about this law il make duah for allah to grant you the guidance to soften your hearts to grant you wisdom and to give you the ghidiah to repend inshallah ameen may allah increase our knowledge and forgive us our sins ameen. (Sidetracked). Vasectomy means she doesn't respect you or love you. Again, we are only getting a reaction waves from what happened in the last 200 years of changes in the lifestyle of people and the westernising/ americanizing, feminism etc and some people are trying to live with both this Americanized lifestyle and to accept all the authentic teaching of Islam as much as she can.. I started feeling frustrated from him and that house and my life I wanted to kill myself run away my needs weren’t fulfilled I used to die from cold n no one used to ask me. All he has given me is the feeling that I'm worthless, and he has shattered my self confidence. Sister, he's saying it himself: in his eyes, you have no status, and he's not ever going to change. he wants to marry me but he said what if there was a 2nd one? He doesn’t make any effort. Thankyou. Dear Paula! Doesn’t Stop You From Breaking The Relationship Up, 3. India has more male population than female due to female foeticide and infanticide. There are no contradictions in Islam at all,no loopholes….if ur husband loves you so much and u re not in the mood to be intimate he ll not go to bed angry because u ve nt agreed,.There should be understanding btw u.it is not irrespective of your feelings. Found inside – Page 193We will take care of destitutes and orphans. ... Many girls came to me that Baji,10 give us permission to go to Pakistan for training. ... I will not be able to do justice to my husband and children because my work is very hectic. Soon all went to waste and we started losing everything one by one. Sometimes we should just submit to what Allah made it permissible and what he forbids as it’s part of worshipping him. Unfortunately this is the pooint most men ignore intentionally or unintentionally. This means that he starts choosing his friends or literally anyone over you. Posted by xzainabx • September 27, 2012 • Printer-friendly. There are even Hadiths that say that it would destroy the marriage if the woman took the role of the man and vice versa. Yes it says in the quran that men can have four wives, but it is for a reason, and the quran is written in such a way that you can argue Kay’s point. As messed up as that sounds why didnt you leave him in the 1st year? You never see him or hear him. keep talking about it) and allow for things to improve and develop naturally and if that doesn't work then discuss it further. He rejects every How To Tell Someone You Love Them Without Saying I Love You because he truly don’t want to be with you. Wow here’s what women expect men to be like. How she feels is less valuable than him getting off. Lol, totally agree. we believe in the whole of the book and accept Allah swts rule even if we cant fully understand it because He knows us better than we know ourselves. (ii) ‘Mustahab’ i.e recommended or encouraged, (iv) ‘Makruh’ i.e ‘not recommended’ or discouraged. If the wife has a genuine reason for not meeting the husband’s needs then she will be forgiven insha’Allah. I follow all the rules mentioned above. If he wants a second wife just because he wants another to have sex, if we accept their nature, so he is going to keep loving us. Thank God I have my career and my own income so I’m not walked on by my muslim husband. Western culture encourages husbands and wives to talk to each other and discuss things. Will Allah forgive me for revealing my sin? The hadith is meant for two people who are married and are being the best husband and wife to one another. Found inside – Page 94My husband, however, said to use something [contraceptive]is against Islam. He was a maulana[religious scholar in Islam]. ... Shezadi, 32 years old, married, four children: “My husband neither takes care of our children nor of me. Moreover, because I feel that I’ve always prioritised him, it makes me feel I’ve worked more than hard for him and I deserve to get him as my achievement. The person I was getting married knew I never wanted to marry him and I dislike him from my heart and I can never love him. Will Allah still be angry with me if I stop having any feeling for him? He picks on me about my hair, he likes it, jokes about coming to hang out at my house with me, then tells me to calm down and lighten up when I don’t laugh. I need my wife to take care of me as mentioned. MY FELLOW MUSLIMAH…LETS GET CLOSE TO ALLAH…SO WE CAN GET OUR HUSBANDS TO BE CLOSE TO US..INSHA ALLAH.. Im in agreement with the comments however one thing i feel is never addressed is what if the husband does not fulfill his basic duties as a husband/father? Then your info can get ‘straight’. JAK for this comment! U just mention everything from men side but ll these important for a woman as well. But I don't feel so; I'm trying to do everything to adjust with his time. Found inside – Page 51community and for representing Muslims and “the” Islam in a positive way. As Nadia tries to convey a positive image of ... Meanwhile she ignores the manifold criticism: “My husband also doesn't like it at all, but I don't care at all. Thanks Lloyd for taking care of my moms will and explaining everything to us. i used to kiss his feet,smell his pillow n shirts ,took care of his mom n welcomed his relatives.n now theres nothing but hurt n ppl tell me to 4give.HELL!!! P.S Please keep open minds, do not try to scare one another with threats of ”you nearly left islam with your words”. He keeps telling me he doesn’t love or care for me like he should. They are just doing it for their selfish reasons. Here are 5 things you can do to improve the intimacy between you. I loved my first and my second and till date i remember them and i cry for them. We moved in with my brother and his family. Qur’an (33:36) – “It is not fitting for a Believer, man or woman, when a matter has been decided by Allah and His Messenger to have any option about their decision.”. Remember dua, education and parents support can be your weapons to fight with all this negativity. This matter of “refusing sex” is not poured in cement. Maybe even noble- of mind in the very least. Agreed…! Found inside – Page 63Rather than their husbands being defined as a primary obstacle to contraceptive use, women referred to their ... 'such discussions are kept between [my husband] and me, and it doesn't involve my Sas [mother-in-law]' (August 16, 2005). I offer my prayers, and don't hurt anybody. You are right there sister, I fell the same way my husband keep telling me that he is allow to Marry and so he would not need my permission to do so. I know plenty of over weight women who have confidence and work hard to take care of their appearance with their clothes, make-up, nails, etc. It goes so far in Islam that if a woman wishes to perform an optional fasting (not the ones in Ramadan) she NEEDS to have her husbands permission! She may declare that she loves him, but without her respect, he will quickly fall out of love with her. 01 August, 2017. I’m sorry to say but the person that wrote this article is a complete idiot and appears to be very arrogant. He can also stoop way too low sometimes Just recently, my husband told me he can’t stand to be around me and that sex with me reminds him of the affair I had. Found inside – Page 185The Americans and Australians said they would only consider me for resettlement if my file was referred by the UN. ... My husband told me that according to Islam, what happened to me means that I am no longer his lawful wife. Sighhhh. ITS more responsibilities! Second, third and fourth marriage is allowed by sharia. The only thing he says is that he works for us and provides for us that's it and I should appreciate that. Wish we could all just treat each other with respect and be honest/sincere with each other, instead of playing games and lying. Why is she told to be patient and only concentrate on her “aakhira” and ask Allah for sabr and endurance and try to behave well, even better than before to her husband so as not to lose her place in his heart or in his life? Pls I have been married for 6 years and my husband doesn’t really have sex with or even just intimacy with me. He was cremated as he wished.I knew the moment he was being cremated because I felt it, deep down in my soul i felt such agony I was on the phone talking to my sister when it happened and I just started crying and bent over in agony My daughter said she felt it too. we can not question ALLAH. She is having a hard time, he said, she don’t know where the next meal is coming from or how to provide adequately for her children. I have to agree with you 100% on that. He then told me: “Come and race me”. And its so true toom some times I feel un loved by my husband and I always feel he doesn’t share things with me. I could not imagine myself in a plural marriage.
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